To be honest, I feel like this post is going to come off a bit narcissistic but last night in bed it dawned on me, I'm too much of a nice person. I do most of my thinking right before I go to sleep, its odd but good ideas really come to me at that moment right before I drift away. I guess I should have a pad of paper next to my bed to record these as many of them often just fade away much like myself.
Basically I've realized the whole "nice guys finish last" mentality, because its true. I may or may not have talked about this before but I've realized that a girls friendship with another girl will always come before my friendship with her. Always has and always will. I can't even begin to count the times where I've given friends the clothes off my back if their cold, rides home even though I just want to be home as well. I've paid extra when you didn't have enough and help you through every boyfriend/guy they were interested in. Don't get me wrong, most of the time I have no problem doing this, but there comes a time where you just have to say no, and thats where I got screwed over. I'm not writing this to be stroked or praised, I'm simply writing this because I'm frustrated. What happened is not really important. Its just goes to show that the one time I'm not a pushover I get reprimanded for it.
I've never been one to like the spotlight on me. I have this weird affinity with attention, its a love hate relationship. I've always dreamed about having a career with a powerful position or being a public figure as they can achieve more good in the world than a normal person. But I would never want the attention for it. I guess thats why when you go to museums and see donations theres always a wall for private donors.
Would You Hold It Against Me?
I'm not too sure about why I don't like it, maybe some deep rooted insecurities but it just makes me so inquisitive about those who relish in it. I'm not even talking about celebrities, just normal people, especially those on Facebook. Facebook is like crack for people who are in love with themselves. Its un real how people like to be praised for what the've done, when in reality its just a game of beer pong. When people want to be liked for what they did its time to stop accepting praise.
I also notice that some of the most creative people shy away from the lime light.
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You aren't the only one. Though when I don't do something nice I feel like crap b/c I didn't help them out or said no.
I usually end up blowing up at them b/c I just have a bunch of pent up anger so I try to listen to music to calm myself back down again and that does work for a short while that is.
Though I did have to set one person straight that she can't keep jumping on me on Facebook chat and say hello every damn time I sign in b/c I need to breath too.
lol not sure about Facebook crack or maybe it's just who I'm friends with it doesn't seem like it. -shurgs-
Later Man and sometimes know you just have to stand up for yourself or get ran over.
-Ethan
I can relate very much to what you say about altruism and feeling that most people don't appreciate it. But from what I have experienced, I am nonetheless a much happier person when I stay altruistic. I wouldn't go so far to say that it is my nature, but it's one of the virtues I align myself with.
Just the same, I would never want to be in the centre of attention among the people I know (or don't know), yet I would like to have influence on the world around me. I thought about this a lot and could never really find a veritable take on this, but right now, I am reading "The Adolescent" (or "The Raw Youth") by Dostoyevsky. The basic "idea" of the young protagonist is that he would only be content when he has influence on people but wouldn't use it. In other words, it's the awareness that matters, not the attention you would get if you used all your influence in an audience-grabbing way.
And what about all those who take such routine 'niceness' and generosity for granted? Coz sure as heck people do that.
None of us can betray or try to squash our characters - unless we want to risk (at best) unhappiness or (at worst) suicidal thoughts. Just as it is vital for our self-assurance and happiness that we are honest about who we love and therefore who we are, so it is equally vital that we are honest about our character and don't try to suppress our natural selves.
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