Bring The Night On Pt. 2

I'm pretty close to my mom so when I began talking to her about the stress and anxiety I'm feeling right now she called my aunt. Her daughter who is now in university went/is going through the same things as me, including panic attacks. My aunt said that what really helped my cousin was talking to a school counsellor or otherwise known as a guidance appointment. So in a pro-active moment my mom called the school and spoke to a counsellor who booked me an appointment. I was okay with that but it didn't seem to help me much. 


Eventually the topic of me being gay came up to which (In which she almost said it under her breath) and I told her about the story of when I came out to my mom. Noting the fact that I practically told her that I ran out the door after I told her. I said it seemed like I was running away from my issues. In reality I had hoped that I would be accepted to a university down town, go live my life and never look back. But now I'm attending a school that will involve me living at home and commuting. So for this reason I have to muster the courage to finally come out to my dad. I believe its that fact plus just general school work and a job thats constantly in the back of my head. Its this thats causing me stress. 


The counsellor gave me credit though and said to stop selling myself short. Meaning that I didn't necessarily run away from my problems but that I had given my mom time to react to what I told her and then process it. Instead of just saying the first thing that came out of my mouth. I guess thats what stresses me out so much about my dad, its not so much that I'm worried about his reaction but its the moment of actually telling him that frightens me. Its the split second reaction and judgement that is the scary part. But it has to happen, its eating me up inside. Perhaps I'll write a letter.